Saturday, December 04, 2010

The state of leadership in Portland summed up in one small news article...

So I came across this short piece on KATU's site last night and it just really struck me how it just summed up the whole state of lousy leadership in Portland right now.

So, summed up, this could be the letter the citizens received from the City:

Dear Citizen:
Enclosed is a bill for a public service we provided that we never told you we would be charging you extra for. But if you don't want to pay it, that's ok.

We will just raise your taxes that much more next year, er, we mean we will absorb the costs for you.

Be sure to re-elect all of us next chance you get so we can continue to screw you over, er, we mean provide the fine leadership you've come accustomed to.

Mayor's Office, Portland, OR

Monday, November 01, 2010

Drive a Liberal crazy.....Vote!

Want to drive a Liberal crazy?  I know... it's not hard to do. Yes, there is the usual steps of laying the facts on them.  That alone is usually enough to raise their blood pressure to a dangerous level.  But if you really, really want to drive them nuts then do this:

Simply remind them that YOUR vote has just much weight as their vote.  Regardless of income, education level, what blogs you follow, who your friends are, the intials after your name, the lack of initials after your name, the degrees on your wall, the lack of degrees on your wall, the size of your house, the numbers on your paycheck, the balance in your bank account, what party you belong to, what groups you belong to, the color of your skin, what your sexual preference is, what religion you belong to, the town you live in, the car you drive, and yes, even your carbon footprint. 

NONE of it matters.

one person = one vote.

So let them act smug and elitist.  Let them talk down to you and treat you as if you're just an ignorant redneck.  It doesn't matter.  Because even if you fit right into that Ignorant Redneck sterotype, their vote does not count more than your vote.

Just be sure to vote!

And after the election, Oregon voters can use the link below to check that their ballot was received and processed:



Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hey Susan - are you going to sue me too?

Out in Yamhill County there is a heated race for State Representative between incumbent Jim Weidner and Susan Sokol Blosser.  Yes, from that wine family.  This week, the final week before the election, Blosser has filed a libel lawsuit against Weidner for what his ad below says:

It seems that Ms. Blosser has issue with statements from Weidner's supporters about her hiring illegal aliens and paying them "under the table."

That would appear to be quite inflammatory except for the fact that Blosser herself admitted to those actions in her own words in the book she wrote At Home in the Vineyard: Cultivating a Winery, an Industry, and a Life.

As shown on NW Republican, on page 66 of Blosser's book, she writes:

"There was no federal program allowing foreign farm workers, but that didn't stop them from coming or us from hiring them. There was always an abundance of Mexican farm workers in our area, and we were lucky to have them. It was generally known that most of the workers entered the country illegally...the black market must have been huge. The whole situation existed under the table. Everyone knew about it; nobody talked about it."

So that's the latest dirty campaigning that Democrat Blosser has engaged in against Republican Weidner.

So, Susan, are you going to sue me too? And is the IRS and Oregon Department of Revenue aware of your admitted criminal tax evasion?


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Armageddon is coming for the Democrats and their precious unions

Fascinating piece about the "Armageddon" that is on the horizon for the Democrats and their precious Unions:

Armageddon: What Democrats Are Hiding & Why They Are Really Scared

 As I've said before.... abolish the unions!  They are destroying our country.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

close-minded and cold-hearted

No matter how old I get, I will never understand the people who judge others without even attempting to hear their side of the story or to even get to know them.

To the person on my Facebook friends list who prefers to completely ignore my existence except to talk down to me in a condescending and elitist tone:  You really are a very sad person.

I know it's different in your world, but in my world, I don't care what degrees a person has, what initials are after their name, what neighborhood they live in, how much they paid for their house, or the amount on their paycheck.  For the people in my life, I only care what is in their heart.  And from what I have seen, you have a lot of bitterness in your heart.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

The art of forgiveness

As Christians, we are taught about forgiveness.  The bible shows us that we need to forgive transgressions against us and also that God will forgive us for our sins.

The concept of forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately and with today being the 9th anniversary of the 9/11 Attack, I find myself reflecting on it once again.

My Facebook page is filled with posts from friends about today's anniversary.  Most of the posts say essentially the same thing:  We will never forget.  We thank those who serve to keep us safe.  We pray for those who were killed and their families left behind.  We thank and pray for those lost in battle against our enemies.

I agree with all of those sentiments but I have not forgiven them.  When I think about the 9/11 attack, even 9 years later, my blood still boils and I still want revenge.  It doesn't consume me day in and day out, but it is the first feeling I experience when I think about that day.

God tells me I need to forgive.  He tells me that we are all His children and He loves us.  But to be honest, I have a lot of trouble seeing those who seek to kill innocent people all in the name of religion as belonging in His kingdom.  Keeping with the blatant honesty, I big part of me questions whether those who believe in the doctrines of extremist Islam are truly children of God or if instead they were sent here from Satan.

I don't know the truth.  Do you?

I do believe that the vast majority of those who practice Islam are part of God's kingdom.  I've known several Muslim people and they are a peaceful people and do not agree with the extremist ways.  So please don't think my statements above mean that I don't like Muslims.  To me, those who practice Islam and those who believe in the extremist Islam rhetoric are worlds away from each other.

But back to forgiveness.  Forgive thy enemies.  Enemies.

This issue also has arisen in my personal life.  A few months ago I was grossly and publicly attacked by my nephew.  He did so completely unprovoked.  I've never said a cross word to him nor ever argued with him.  In fact, I've had very little contact with him in the past 20 years (not my choice).  I knew him well from the day he was born until he was approximately 6 years old.  He was a good baby, an adorable toddler and the sweetest little boy ever.  I loved to get him giggling as he had the most infectious laugh I'd ever heard.  I can still hear it in my head to this day.

But unfortunately that sweet little boy has apparently grown into a very angry and bitter young man.  He has obviously evolved into someone who can attack a relative without provocation and without remorse.  He threatened my husband's life and he put a lot of fear into mine.  Because I know he runs in a dangerous world of drugs and guns, I no longer feel safe in my own home when I'm home alone.  I've never felt this way before.  And I never would have thought that a family member would ever be the cause to make me feel this way.  And never in a million years would I have thought that sweet little boy would grow up to be that family member.

My dad has gotten involved in the situation by speaking with my brother (my nephew's father) and has told me that my brother agrees that his son owes me a big apology.  But no apology has come nor any word to me from my brother.  This tells me that he doesn't really condemn what his son has done and possibly even agrees with his actions.  My dad has spoken to me about reaching out to my brother to "help start the healing."

And this is where I get stuck.  God tells me I should do this but yet day after day go by and I don't pick up that phone.

The past six years I've put up with a LOT of crap from some of my so-called family members, all over an issue that they only knew one side of.  Those in the family who bothered to ask me my side of the issue all support me and do not judge.  Those who have not asked for my side all judge me and treat me with contempt.  I've put up with it for 6 years and kept my mouth shut for the sake of "keeping the peace."  I had gotten to the point where I would have extreme anxiety in the days leading up to a family gathering and the day of I had to take Xanax just to keep it together and manage to show up with a semi-smile on my face.

But after the attack from my nephew I put my foot down and said NO MORE.  I will not attend any more gatherings and be treated like shit.  I don't deserve it and I won't subject myself to it.  And all of a sudden I felt FREE.  Gone is that burden.  Gone is the dread of the next family event.  I don't dread it because I won't be there.  I have other family I'm related to, family I married in to and many friends to fill my life.  I don't need their brand of "togetherness."

So when my Dad speaks to me about "healing" when no amends have been made towards me, I just can't do it.  Not now.  I don't have forgiveness in my heart for him or the others.  Not without apology and remorse from them.

God, I know you want me to be able to do it, but I just can't.  Not right now.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Take a swig

I'm approaching 40 years old and for the past few years I've thought often about the things I have not yet done in my life.  The list is long.

One thing is get a tattoo.  I'm working on that one.  It took me 3-4 years to figure out what I want and now that I know, I just have to get in there and get it done.

I've never had sushi.  I would like to complete that one soon but need to go with one of my friends who is a connoisseur of sushi and knows what the hell to order.

Another one is that I had never taken a swig of hard alcohol straight from the bottle.  Sure, I've had mixed drinks and I've drunk hard alcohol straight but always from a glass.  I had never just picked up a bottle and taken a good healthy drink.

I'm not a big drinker and generally in a year I'll have less than 6 beers, 3 or 4 glasses of wine and maybe 5 or 6 mixed drinks.  Almost always any drinking I do is at an event with friends or at a restaurant with my husband.  I never just drink at home.

Many times I've seen on tv or in a movie where a character just drinks straight from a bottle of whiskey, vodka, etc.  And I've thought to myself, "self, you've never done that!"

Well I have now.

So the other night I was home alone.  It was getting on towards 11pm and I had just finished up working for the night and was closing up the house and getting ready for bed.  I walked through the kitchen and for some reason thought about my un-done alcohol swigging.  So I opened up our well-stocked liquor cabinet.  Right in front was a bottle of Citron.  I looked through the cabinet at the other bottles and decided, "what the hell, vodka is a good as any of the others."

So I opened the bottle, sniffed the contents and then took a big swig from it.

My lips and my tongue went numb.

But hey, one more thing off my list.


Saturday, July 24, 2010

Silent no more

No, the title of this post does not refer to a political rant (although it does fit my political philosophy).

Instead it refers to my family.  Over the years I've been accused, indicted and convicted of various offenses in their eyes and never once was asked for my side of the story.  Mind you, the other side of the story they got from a bitter, alcoholic/drug addict.

Now to claify, when I refer to my "family" and "they," I am not referring to my relatives as a whole.  Many of them are great people whom I love dearly.  But there are a few who like to ruin it for the rest of us.

My family does not like to talk about issues.  There have been countless bad things said, rotten things done, resentments that have built, gossip behind others' backs and blatant lies told over the years.  And every single time it was swept under the rug and treated as if nothing happened.  Never once was it discussed out in the open where all persons could share their side and their feelings.

No, instead, at family functions, we talk about the weather and dead people (relatives and friends who have passed on).  Some members of the family drink to excess to cope, others leave at the first opportunity, some of the smart ones don't show up and I've learned to take a Xanax before any family function the past few years.

My father and my brother HATE conflict.  So we dont' have conflict.  Period.  I am 39 years old and every time there has been a conflict I have wanted dealt with, I have been told to SHUT UP to keep the "peace."

This week it happened once again.

Well, you know what?  I'm done.  I'm no longer going to keep quiet so that those people don't have to deal with the giant elephant that stands in the middle of every room my family gathers in.  I'm sick and tired of it.

I married into a large Italian family.  Italians are a loud, passionate people.  My husband's family loves each other fiercely and they fight with each other fiercely.  But you know what?  There's nothing "unsaid" when they get together.  Instead, it's REAL people sharing time together with the good, the bad and the ugly.

My family gatherings are milk toast in comparison.

In my husband's family, they are there for each other, in each other's lives and they give a damn what happens to each other.  Not in mine.  We come together once or twice a year, a bunch of related strangers and we share a meal and few forced hours of pleasantries.  Gag.

I've thought frequently over the past few years of getting my feelings out there in written form.  My written form of choice is blogging which of course puts it out on the Internet for all to see.  That fact has stopped me.  Until now.  I feel a pull to start blogging about all of this and the shit that has gone down.  Right now, though, I'm now sure if I will keep it here on this blog or move it to my private, confidential blog.  We will see.

I love both my brother and my father dearly and they are not the ones who treat me like I'm a pariah.  But they are some of the ones who want me to just shut up and take it.  Again, I love both of you, but for my own mental and physical health, I can no longer remain silent.

More of the story to come (probably...) but right now I'm going to so see a movie with the best husband in the whole wide world.  It's hot today and the movie theater is air conditioned.  Then later tonight we will go down to the festival that's going on in our small town and share some carnival junk food and a great fireworks show with a large gathering of our good friends.  And not a single person that I'm physically related to will be there.  :)


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Nasty campaigning

I have previously written about the local campaign race for US Congress District 1.  Currently our Rep is David Wu and he's just a complete do-nothing disaster.  On the Republican side, three men are running to replace him:  Doug Keller, Rob Cornilles and John Kuzmanich.  After meeting all three men, hearing them debate and meeting them in person, my support is behind Rob Cornilles.  I wrote about my reasons in a previous post.

Now that we are at the end of the primary race with a winner to be announced in less than 48 hours, I've noticed some recent nasty campaigning going on by Kuzmanich's supporters.  The nasty campaigning I am referring to is not coming from Kuz's campaign staffers, but rather from some of his supporters.  Specifically, in the form of a few political cartoons that make Kuz look like a winner and Cornilles look like a RINO. This is fine.  Kuz can't control that.  But what has dismayed me and further cemented my support for Cornilles is that Kuz has openly laughed at the nasty cartoons and shows his obvious approval of them.

Here is the first cartoon:

It was added by Kelly Hodsdon. 

I commented on the cartoon and how I see it as nasty campaigning and that Kuz's obvious support of it further supports my choice not to vote for him.  I was told that I was "absurd."  Really Kelly.  How mature of you.

A few days later another cartoon was posted by Kelly:

with this caption underneath it:

Got news for you Kelly, name calling whether with words or pictures is still name-calling. 

I consider name-calling nasty campaigning.  Period.  And I will not support a candidate that tolerates that in a primary election.

I was turned off by Kuz when during a debate with Keller and Cornilles, Kuz treated Cornilles with disrespect and disdain.  He also dismissed me when I was introduced to him.  And this was BEFORE I publicly said anything about who I was supporting.  I was introduced to him at the debate I attended and he treated me as if I was wasting his time.  I suppose I'm too "common" for him.

If Kuz wins the primary, I will support him in the general election but I will be watching his words and actions carefully and will call him out if I see nasty campaigning.  We aren't in middle school anymore.  Grow up.


Friday, May 07, 2010

Mother's Day

Due to my marriage and the divorce and remarriages of our parents I have 4 mothers. I love all of them. Three of them love me.

I hate Mother's Day. I have my reasons.

Love the women, hate the day.


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Censorship and a Death Wish

I have many friends on Facebook (currently 447).  Some lean left, some lean right, some stay in the middle and some don't give a damn either way.  Recently I've seen some of my friends join a certain Group and Fan Page on Facebook.  Generally, it's the Left-leaners joining the Group and the Right-leaners joining the Fan Page.  I refuse to join either one.

The Fan Page in question is this one:


I see this page as a wish for Obama's death.  Ok, now I admit that I don't like the guy and I think he is an extreme danger to the US but like it or not, he's our President.  I'm a Christian and it is not within my values to wish someone dead.  Yes, perhaps I'm taking the meaning behind this page a bit too literally but I just will not agree to "Like" something like this.

The Group in question is this one:

Petition to remove Facebook group praying for President Obama's death

I don't know what specific "group" this Group is referring to but either way I don't agree with it.  This is censorship and that's a dangerous slope to start down.  Whatever "group" this group is referring to that is praying for Obama's death... well I wouldn't join that group as it is against my values (see previous bit about the Fan Page above) but this is still a free country and it is their right to put up such a group if they wish to.  And it is my right to choose not to join it.

Facebook is a private company so should they choose to act on this "petition" and do remove the other "group" that is referenced, that is their right to do so.  But I would still consider it censorship and I am not in agreement with that.

Our country is very divided right now and I will not take part in any action that is praying for or wishing for Obama's death.  Nor will I take part in any action that is condoning censorship, on either side of the aisle.

not violent. not racist. just no longer silent.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Where are the riots?

Had this happened during the Bush years, there would have been violent riots in the streets.



Excellent Piece from the WSJ

I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh's show. I agree with his content but don't particularly like his delivery. He's too bit much of a blowhard for me. But the opt-ed piece he wrote for the WSJ is spot-on!

Liberals and the Violence Card

I can personally relate to Rush's words as recently many of my peaceful, freedom-loving friends have been accused by the Left of being violent simply because we do not agree with how our government is destroying our country. And there has been NO violence. I know. I was there.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Two Sides of the Fence

I received the following in an email... so much truth in this list!

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is a homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is a homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."

Well I forwarded it to you so where does that put me?


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Replacing Wu

There is a very important political race being run in my district to replace David Wu who has been our Congressional Rep for 6 terms. David Wu has got to go. He's a do-nothing disaster who does not think for himself or care about his constituents. He simply does whatever Nancy Pelosi tells him to do.

There are three Republican candidates running to replace Wu: John Kuzmanich, Doug Keller and Rob Cornilles.

A few days ago I got the chance to hear from all three of them during the Candidate Forum at the Yamhill County 9-12 Project's monthly meeting.

Prior to the forum, I had some limited contact with each of the candidates, starting with hearing them all for the first time when they each spoke at the Oregon Tea Party protest April 15, 2009.

Since then I have followed both Kuzmanich and Cornilles on Facebook. I hadn't heard much about or from Doug Keller and only recently joined his FB Fan Page.

Prior to last week's forum, I was leaning towards supporting Cornilles. And after hearing more about him and the other two, I am still supporting Cornilles.

As far as the issues and wanting to represent the people better than Wu, all three are pretty equal in my eyes. My choice of preference is more of a personal choice and that I can better envision Cornilles representing us in Congress.

I really liked Doug Keller's campaign manager and also am really impressed by Keller's refusal to take any PAC money for his campaign. He has also put his entire platform right on his website which goes against the recommendations of those experienced in campaigns. I like that he is willing to go against the tide. We need more of that in this country.

But Doug Keller the candidate did not impress me. He was too soft-spoken and seemed unsure of his positions and opinions when answering some of the questions. I just don't think he's ready for a position in Congress yet.

Kuzmanich turns me off for several reasons. One, I just don't find him genuine. I really get the impression that he is just telling us what we want to hear and he's really just after a high-paying job with stellar benefits. The fact that he's a mortgage broker doesn't help his case in my eyes. I know a LOT of mortgage brokers who are now pretty much broke and several that have lost their homes and are filing bankruptcy.

I also closely watched Kuzmanich's face as the other candidates spoke. Several times some not-so-nice expressions crossed his face which to me is a very clear sign of disrespect. I'm not interested in someone who may run a nasty campaign.

Although I don't know if it's true or not, I have heard that the Oregon Republican Party has thrown their support behind Kuzmanich. Sorry, but that's a huge red flag to me and another reason to support another candidate.

Cornilles is a business owner and although I'm sure his business has taken a hit during this down economy, he's not in an industry that has bottomed out like the housing industry has. Something tells me that Cornilles' wallet doesn't "need" this position as badly as Kuzmanich's does.

Cornilles showed respect to the other candidates at all times during the forum, even when Kuzmanich directly accused him of supporting earmarks.

So yes, Cornilles for Congress!


Thursday, March 18, 2010

I Used to Want a Kindle

I used to want a Kindle....but I don't anymore.

Oh, I loved the idea of getting my books I so love to read delivered to me electronically and often at a cheaper price than even Costco's paperback prices. But I hesitated due to the price of the Kindles.

And then the announcement of Apple's IPad came out and it is obvious that the IPad will far surpass the Kindle very quickly since with the IPad you can get so much more functionality for not too much more money.

I have friends with Kindles and they love them. In two families I know, everyone in the family has their own Kindle. They share an Amazon account so they can all access the Kindle books that any one of them purchases. Sounds awesome.

I looked seriously into purchasing a Kindle but hesitated. Soooo glad I did. I love the look and functionality of the up-and-coming IPad but will probably not purchase one this year. Maybe next year when the next generation is released.

While some families are Kindle families, we are an IPhone family. I'm on my second IPhone and my husband is getting ready to get his second one. I bought my first one in Sept '07 and then upgraded to the new 32Gb 3GS a few months ago. Hubby got his 2G model in Feb '08 and is now able to upgrade to a new one anytime. He's waiting until this summer to see what their next release is like as it is rumored the 4G model will be quite a nice upgrade.

We LOVE our IPhones. Best phones we've ever had. I use mine all day long for both business and personal uses. I text with friends and clients, take pictures, share on Facebook, schedule my personal and business life, play games, and use business apps. I even have a few hypnosis apps that help me relax and get to sleep after a particularly stressful day. The only thing I didn't do on my IPhone is read books. The full books available for the IPhone via the App Store are just too expensive and the list is very short.

Then Amazon released their FREE Kindle app. The app turns my IPhone into a Kindle and it's FREE! So I installed the app and bought my first Kindle book to try it out and see if I liked reading a full novel on my IPhone.

Yep. Loved it. Worked perfectly. And I love having the current book(s) I'm reading with me wherever I go. Whenever I can grab a few minutes, I start up the app and continue reading where I left off last time.

So, no Kindle for me. The free Kindle App for IPhone is all I need.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Overcoming Obstacles

This past Sunday at church we read Matthew 28:16-20 and tonight in my Community Group we talked about overcoming obstacles in our lives. We each shared about a time in our life when we were faced with an obstacle or obstacles to overcome.

Besides the two times in my life when I struggled to stay alive in a hospital room, for me the biggest obstacles I overcame happened during my high school years. I surprised myself tonight (pleasantly) by opening up during Community Group and sharing with the people there what life was like for me during high school.

I developed Crohn's Disease when I was 14. I was diagnosed when I was 16. And my family finally believed me when I was 22.

I spent much of my high school years sick. Really, really sick. And no one cared. I was completely alone, weak, embarrassed and in a lot of pain. And scared. So scared. My father was unaware completely of my illness and my mother did not believe me. She accused me of faking it to get out of going to school.

Looking back that really frustrates me now as I didn't deserve her doubt. I never tried to get out of school. I was a good kid! I really good kid! I never gave her any trouble. I always kept down one, if not two or three jobs at a time and kept my grades very high. I was never out late at night (unless I was babysitting), didn't drink, didn't do drugs and didn't even have my first kiss until the summer after I graduated high school. I didn't deserve the doubt.

I didn't complain. I didn't whine. I didn't cry. Why? What good would it do? So I silently went on day after day and since my disease wasn't visable in that I didn't have a rash all over my body or a giant tumor sticking out somewhere, it was easy to let people think I was fine. I was so completely mortified after being accused of faking it that I set it in my mind that it was my problem to bear and to bear alone. There is no cure for Crohn's and back then there was very little in the way of treatment also.

And I was so embarrassed and ashamed. High school girls are not supposed to have constant and severe diarrhea for four years straight. And pain so awful it would double me over at times. And the vomiting. I was also accused by the school administration of being pregnant because of my frequent trips to the girls' room to vomit. Ha! I'd never even kissed a boy at that time. "No, Principal So-and-So, I'm not pregnant."

There are some memories that apparently hurt me so bad emotionally that I had blocked them out until about 3 years ago. I remember now very clearly that there were several times when I would come home to an empty house as my mother would be out with her boyfriend and was unreachable (yes, there was a time when there were no cell phones). I would be so weak and in so much pain by the time I came home that I would literally just collapse on the living room floor and lay there in the dark for several hours, unable to gather the strength to move into my bedroom. A few times I remember waking up in such a position and hearing the garage door opening indicating my mother was returning. I would quickly find the strength to get up and go down to my room and shut the door before she came in from the garage, knowing if she found me on the floor I would get an earful about being "so dramatic."

I told my husband about this memory a few years ago and he commented that he now understands a little better why I am so fiercely independent now. Gee, I think I do too!

So even though I feel some frustration about those years and feel I was treated unjustly, I also feel some pride as even though I went through all of that, I still graduated with very high grades and a member of the National Honor Society. Oh, and I was also awarded a full-ride academic scholarship to a very good private college.

I have a client now who has a teenage daughter who has Crohn's. I see the love, care and understanding in her eyes when she talks about her daughter. And there is absolutely no doubt in her mind that her daughter is sick and she would never accuse her of faking it. Although I feel some jealously towards the daughter for getting the parental care that I didn't get, I'm also really happy for her that she will not have to go down her path towards understanding and accepting her disease alone as I did.

You probably think after reading all this that I must be very angry with my mother. I'm not. Not anymore. She was pretty screwed up emotionally herself during those years and no one ever handed her a book on How to Parent and especially she didn't have one on How to Parent a Child with a Chronic Illness. I know she loved me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. I also believe she did the best she could at the time.

I don't think being angry about the past does any good. It was what it was and the past cannot be changed. I would love to talk to her about those years and hear from her perspective what was going on with her. Did she truly not believe me or was she so scared about the diagnosis it was easier to live in denial about it? But those questions will remain unanswered as five years ago my mother made the choice to no longer be a part of my life.


Prodigal Son

Ever since I took a Frankenstein class back in college, I've loved Frankenstein stories. So when I saw that Dean Koontz had written a 3-book series on the subject, I snatched up the books quickly.

I'm on Book 2 right now but Book 1, Prodigal Son, was excellent. Throughout the book there are 4-5 different plot lines that all connect to each other and the book consists of fairly short chapters that move among the plot lines.

It makes for a very fast-paced and engrossing read. I highly recommend it.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mommy Issues

So I've been blogging on and off for about five years now. I've deleted all my posts on this blog and started over several times through those five years, always after a long period of not adding to the blog. During all that time, my blog posts have been mostly political in nature with some incidental humorous items from my life thrown in here and there. But it's always been of a shallow nature in that I've never written (and actually posted) anything that came from deep within me. I guess you could say I've kept the blog world at a distance, unsure about getting too close.

I follow many blogs, using Google Reader, and although many of them are of political topics, several are written by relatives and friends and are quite personal. In writing their blogs, these people have invited me into their lives and I get to know them on a much deeper level. I read about their fears, their loves, their hates, their adventures, their misadventures, their regrets, their hopes, their prayers, their triumphs and their failures. I love these blogs and get excited and anxious to read them when my Reader shows a new post from one of them.

So recently I've come to realize... if they can put themselves out there so-to-speak, why can't I? What is stopping me? Am I afraid they will judge me? Dislike me? Be disgusted by me? Pity me? Yes, I suppose I am afraid of all of those. But I don't judge, dislike, feel disgusted by, or pity any of the people whose blogs I read, even if I don't always agree with what they have to say. I still appreciate their thoughts and feelings and reading about the happenings in their lives.

This issue has been rattling about the back of my head for many months now. Often I've wanted to just start writing and see what happens but I was still afraid to actually start with the fear that I would not have the courage to actually post it.

Then tonight I heard something in a tv show that stopped me cold.

After I finished up work this evening and took a nice, hot bubble bath, I crawled into bed with my cat and two border collies and the four of us looked for one of the shows I record on the DVR to watch. Last week's Private Practice was on there so that's what we put on. Luckily the cat and border collies are not too picky about what we watch and are quite happy to let me pick out the shows.

Being the soap-opera-like show that it is, one of the current plot lines has Addison all twisted up. She thinks she's in love with Sam, who used to be married to Naomi, who is Addison's best friend. So in the course of trying to get over Sam, Addison starts sleeping with Pete who has an infant son named Lucas. Pete claims to be in love with Violet who is Lucas' mother but who has given the custody of Lucas to Pete. So Pete and Addison are, in theory, just sleeping with each other to get their minds off the other people they think they are in love with but cannot have. But it is obvious that Pete and Addison are developing something deeper than sex. And Addison is afraid to get too close to Pete as she cannot have children and is frightened of bonding with baby Lucas for fear if they break up she will be left devastated. So, yes, a typical soap-opera mess.

Addison finds herself sharing an elevator with Sheldon, who is the resident nerdy Psychiatrist. Addison proceeds to spill out her guts to Sheldon and demands an off-the-cuff psycho analysis of her problem and what she should do. Sheldon points out to Addison that she is still reeling from her mother's recent admission to being a lesbian and she never really got the chance to bond with her mother. That coupled with her own feelings regarding her infertility results in the current emotional state that Addison finds herself in. Sheldon wraps it up quite nicely for her.

Sheldon: "A few months ago you found out that your mother was living a secret life, hiding her sexuality from you. And because she was guarding this secret, you feel like you never really knew or bonded with her."

Addison: "What's that got to do with my feelings for Pete, the baby and Sam?"

Sheldon: "Well, you might be harboring feelings about connecting with the child as that causes you to place yourself in a maternal role which could be raising feelings of rejection for you. As well you likely project Pete into the role of your father, Sam into the role of a forbidden connection which confuses your feelings for either man. It becomes hard to see past the deep rooted psycho-sexual implications of what you are going through."

Addison: "What?"

Sheldon: "You have Mommy issues."

Addison: "What do I do?"

Sheldon: "Well, since I know you're not going to come to my office and since I now know I don't like being trapped between floors with tall redheads, I'd"

Addison: "What?!"

Sheldon: "You see the problem and that's half the battle. It's up to you to choose. To make the right choices. To attempt to be happy, to be loved, to be whole. Without drama, without hurting anyone."

Addison: "Yeah, but how do I do that?"

Sheldon: "Addison, I'm telling you, it's time to grow the hell up! Okay?"

Ugh. Mommy issues. Holding people at bay. Not letting them get close. Grow the hell up. Ugh. Like looking in a mirror.

Not in regards to Addison's romantic conflicts. That issue of my life, thank God, is just fine. I thoroughly love my husband and know that he loves me back. But I hold other people at a distance, afraid to get close.

I've been hurt, really, really hurt by family members who I was supposed to be able to trust. Completely stabbed in the back and abandoned. And Mommy issues? Oh boy, do I have 'em. BIG ones. And perhaps it's time I start opening up to others about my issues and invite them into my head and my heart. There is no solution to the Mommy Issues I have but perhaps by sharing my feelings, hurts and triumphs, I can be farther along the path of Growing the Hell Up.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

WIC needs to advertise?

Another example of wasteful spending in our government.... a banner ad on the OregonLive website today for WIC:


(click pic to see bigger image)

This tells me that DHS does not need additional tax money from the people of Oregon if it has money to blow on needless advertising.

And note the headline of the article on the page.... thanks to the passing of 66/67 other major cities are taking note of Oregon's anti-business environment and will start wooing away our employers. I don't know about you, but none of my friends have any desire to move to Chicago.

More proof that we don't need higher taxes

Here's yet more proof that we don't need the higher taxes that Measures 66/67 brought to us. The State needs to learn how to spend LESS and spend WISELY... just how all of us have done in our private finances and businesses.

Audit Criticizes Willamette Education District

I would really love to see some major heads roll over this and a lot of firing to occus. But we all know it won't. Disgusting.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

But I Still Want One....

OK, got this in an email today and it is so funny. Although the new IPad is really cool and I want one!!

Apple's iPad announcement earlier this afternoon prompted a score of WTFing across the internet, prompting many to ask, "Are there any women on Apple's marketing team?" Answer: Apparently not . (Period.)

From Twitter (for what it's worth, #iTampon is apparently the number three trending topic on the site.):

tjakabon: "It surfs the web AND stops the bleeding."

Gelatobaby: And you can use the giant QWERTY keyboard to get your period on the #iPad !

CarolBlymire: Is #apple making an iPad for light-flow days? Just wondering...

Trish1981: iPad? Really? All I can say is, I'm sticking with Always, bitches.

tremendousnews: So I can say "That chick is on her iPad" and not be called a pig? Thank you Apple.

melissapierce: iPad has changed "the conversation" from how we use tech in context to how we use tech as Kotex. (who named this thing?)

TwittsMcGee: I haven't heard this many period jokes since I was forced to watch The View last month. #iPad

kathycacace: Okay, just one more. The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.

Johnpapa: "64 gig iPad will forever be known as the heavy flow model."

From the comments section of "Period Pieces":

lady_justice: Did the prototype come with a belt?

Lymed: Does the Period Tracker app come free?

fauxfruit: If I order this, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?

andBegorrah: If you and your friends all buy one, will they sync up?

boston_nj: Meh. I'll wait until they come out with the iDivaCup

morninggloria: Don't wear white jeans while using an iPad, and especially don't use an iPad in front of your crush. You're a teen magazine embarrassing moment waiting to happen.

ms negative the easy-going unicorn: someone needs to make a 'mysterious blue liquid stain on white' wallpaper for this.

LilSpitfire: Later in the year they will be releasing the companion tablet pen, the Ipon.

Vesuvius At Home (I believe in peace, bitch): But what if the cute boys see me shopping for one? What if my dad has to take me??

NellMood: It's so beautiful when an electronics company finally becomes a woman...

Cinnamoncanuck: @NellMood: Aunt Flo will be so happy! Reply

soykatrina: Eh, I prefer the CVS brand. A few bucks less but does the same thing...

vlvtjones: So will iffy Wifi coverage be called iSpotting?

morninggloria: Can I get a scented iPad for when my data feels not-so-fresh?

Mary McCarthyite: Everyone, just try to Stay(free) calm and Poise(d). It's Always nice to see a new product on the market. I Depend on Apple to come up with great ideas. Maybe we're taking this out of Kotex.

Lymed: Somebody give the iPad a Red Bull, because it ain't no good without wings.

andBegorrah: Are you there, God? It's me, Marketing.

NellMood: iPads are for 8th graders. I'm waiting for the iTampon, because I prefer to do all my interneting from inside my vagina.

BicSharpie: Hopefully it will help people deal with the 24-hour news cycle.

Earlier: 8 Reasons Women Should Be Excited For Apple's "iPad"

Related: Apple's iPad Name Not the First Choice for Women. Period. [Fast Company]

Read more…

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Difference between Conservatives and Liberals

got this in an email today and just had to post it as it is so true!!

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is a homosexual, he quietly lives his life.
If a Liberal is a homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down and out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Liberal wonders who will take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he changes the station.
If a Liberal doesn't like a talk show host, he demands the host to be fired.

If a Conservative does not believe in God, he doesn't go to church.
If a Liberal is a non-believer, he wants all mention of God and religion to be silenced.

If a conservative needs health care, he shops around for it or chooses a job that provides it.
A liberal demands the rest of us pay for his health care.

Conservatives will read this and have a good laugh.
Liberals will be offended.